


Maktel Schree Lotak Meta Setak Oz

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 10:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10358709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Spoilers: "Tangent", "Divide and Conquer", "Upgrades", "The Tok’ra", reallittle one for "Deadman Switch" and a very vague one for "The Serpent’sVenom"Summary: What, there’s supposed to be a plot?  Well... umm... OK,word spreads among the Tok’ra of a new system lord.  Yeah, that’llwork.  Tag to "Tangent"





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Maktel Schree Lotak Meta Setak Oz

"You said what?" Sam questioned, her face incredulous.   

"Maktel shcree lotak meta setak Oz," Daniel replied in a tone like that of a person who'd been asked to repeat the same information one too many times.   

"Which means?" Jack asked. Now that his brain was getting back used to having enough oxygen to work with he was starting to take an interest in his surroundings. Though he was dying for a hot bath. A fact he'd be damned before he'd ever admit to. It had been nearly half an hour since his and Teal'c's rescue from the sabotaged glider and he was still freezing. At least he was alive enough to be cold. That was a good thing.   

"I am not familiar with that system lord," Teal'c intoned, straight faced. Jack looked at his friend and immediately felt better as he saw the Jaffa surreptitiously rub his hands together in an attempt to warm them. So even the indomitable Jaffa got cold.   

Sam started to laugh, looking at Daniel with wide eyes. "You didn't?"   

Daniel shrugged self-consciously. "Jacob said to be creative," he pled.   

"What?" Jack asked, still confused.   

Sam slid down the wall of the Tel'tac, almost as though her knees would support her no longer, all the while laughing harder and harder. "I don't think that's what he had in mind."   

Jack and Teal'c stared in amazement as the normally placid major dissolved into a fit of giggles nearing hysteria.   

"Sam," Daniel whined. "It's not THAT funny."   

"You've memorized whole encyclopedias of Gods and that's the best you could come up with?"   

"I...It's not that easy. I had to bluff TWO mother ships. Heru'ur was on one of them and they didn't believe me," Daniel complained.   

"So they called your bluff. What'd you say then?" Sam asked. She'd totally missed the encounter by having her head in the engines trying to fix them so they could continue their rescue mission before the colonel and Teal'c died.  

Daniel sat up straight, puffing up his chest and taking the stance of a lecturing professor. "Maktel Oz Kree!" he said loudly, waving his hands in a grand motion which caused Sam to laugh even harder, falling over so she was lying on her back on the floor. Daniel joined her as the tension of the past 24 hours melted like butter in the hot sun.   

"Danny...What?" Jack asked again, really wishing he got the joke. He shot Teal'c a concerned look. The Jaffa was attempting to hide a smirk. Maybe the air was contaminated. Either that or they were still on the glider and this was an anoxia induced hallucination. He gave himself a pinch. Nope. Wasn't a dream.   

"But HIM? You had to use THAT name," Sam protested, tears streaming down her face.   

"I...well who did you want me to use? I could have said I was Osiris or something but with all my luck I'd pick someone Heru'ur was mad at and he'd have blown us to bits."   

"Oh Daniel. You were right. You've definitely been hanging around with him too long," Sam gasped, pointing at the dumbfounded colonel.   

"Hey! OK. That's it! What the hell are the two of you going on about?" Jack demanded, tired of not knowing what was going on and even more offended at apparently being the butt of the joke. What was wrong with hanging around with him?   

"You tell him," Sam instructed.   

"NO. NO. NO. It'll be better coming from you."   

"Yeah but, you've known him longer. It's definitely a job for you. Besides he can't court-martial you."   

"I'm not gonna tell him. You tell him."   

"I'm not gonna tell him. Teal'c'll do it. He'll tell him anything."   

"For crying out loud! Will the two of you tell me what's so damn funny!" Jack demanded, his voice echoing off the bulkheads. Both Sam and Daniel fell silent like two chastised kids, both hiccuping a bit after their fit of hysterics.   

"Daniel Jackson, you told Heru'ur maktel shcree lotak meta setak Oz?" Teal'c questioned, wishing to settle the matter before it descended into bloodshed. Afraid to speak, Daniel merely nodded, wiping the tears of laughter off his face. Teal'c turned to his commander, noting the red flush to his face. "O'Neill, Daniel Jackson told Heru'ur that he was the Great and Powerful Oz." Jack didn't respond, he merely looked at the sheepish faces of his companions, wondering vaguely when he'd joined up with the three stooges. "I see the tactical wisdom in the human desire to bluff," Teal'c continued. "However do you think it was wise to call Heru'ur a moron?"     

\----

Up in the cockpit, Jacob chuckled as he heard the laughter coming from the cargo hold. 

_'Jacob, your memories of this movie are vague. I do not understand what is so humorous,'_ Selmac complained. 

_'Tell ya what. When we drop off the kids I'll hang on Earth for a bit. We'll watch the movie, I'm sure Sam has it.'_   

Feeling the continued puzzlement from his symbiote Jacob chuckled louder. 

_'Jacob,'_ Selmac said warningly. _'It is not wise to anger the being that can stop your heart.'_

_'I'm not laughing at you,'_ he promised as Mars filled the front viewer. _'I'm just wondering how the rest of the Tok'ra are going to react to having a new system lord in the mix?'_ he wondered, a grin splitting his face.   

\---- 

Two weeks later Jacob stepped out of his Tel'tac and squinted at the desert brightness. Damnit, he'd meant to grab some sunglasses from the base's stores. As advanced as the Tok'ra liked to believe they were he still couldn't understand why they didn't use protective eyewear. Especially given their predilection for nice bright desert planets. 

He passed the checkpoints and took the rings below the surface. He made his way to his chambers and unpacked the small bag he carried, taking special care to stash the instant coffee and Hershey bars he'd brought. 

_'Do you have any idea how bad that is for you?'_ Selmac asked. _'Do you know what it does to our stomach?'_

_'Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. It's nothing you can't fix. Having you around is like being married again.'_

_'Worse actually. At least with a wife you could have sex.'_

_'SELMAC!'_

_'Jacob, you are in your prime. You should not feel like you must abstain because of me. In fact I can be rather helpful in that area. A symbiote can enhance both performance and  endurance...'_

  "Jacob?" 

  Exceedingly grateful for the interruption, Jacob turned to see Korra standing at the threshold of his chambers. 

_'Saved by the bell,'_ he thought. 

_'I heard that.'_

_'Take a cold shower Selmac.'_ "Yes Korra." 

  "Anise would like to see you in the Council Chambers." 

  "Can't it wait? I just got back." 

  "She was most insistent. It concerns the emergence of a new system lord," Korra said, a resigned look on his dark face. 

  Jake sighed. Great. This was just what he needed. First they turn Apophis into the most powerful system lord ever, then they stumble across another one. The way things were going, they'd have this new guy on the Tok'ra High Council by the weekend. 

  A few moments later Jacob walked into the Council Chambers, noting the new decorating style. What? Did someone subscribe to Pins and Needles Monthly? 

  "Anise. You wished to see me?" he asked the woman politely, all the while trying not to stare. Freya was now wearing a very short skirt along with a tight midriff top _. 'Selmac, in my day if a woman's skirt was above her knees she was considered a slut,'_ he complained silently. 

_'Don't be such a Puritan Jacob. I'll have you know that on Marksa they wear feathers.'_

_'Oh yeah, that'll fly.'_

  "Jacob. I trust you enjoyed your time on Earth?" Anise asked, a pleasant smile on her face. 

  "Yes thank you. Now, Korra said you had Intel on a new system lord," Jake said, taking a seat. He wanted to get this briefing over with. There was a Hershey bar back in his chambers just begging to be eaten.   

"Yes. Several days ago one of our operatives intercepted a transmission in which a Goa'uld, in a Tel'tac no less, challenged Heru'ur. This new Goa'uld then fled into hyperspace before he could be captured or destroyed. It takes a great amount of courage to challenge a Goa'uld of Heru'ur's stature...former stature. And we believe it would be beneficial to make contact with this Goa'uld. Or at least monitor his movements."  

Jake frowned. Nah. Couldn't be...could it? 

 "So...we don't happen to know the name of this Goa'uld?" he asked innocently. 

  "His name was reported to be Oz," Anise said, clearly puzzled. 

  Jacob fought to keep a straight face. Oh this was priceless. "Aah Anise..." he stopped as Selmac abruptly took control _"I agree with Anise's assessment. We should find and make contact with this Goa'uld. An alliance could be beneficial."_

 Anise nodded happily. "I will assign one of our operatives..." 

_"That would not be right,"_ Selmac said. _"You have uncovered the information. You should be the one to make contact."_

 "But..." 

_"Anise, you have been working tirelessly these last few months and the only times you have left the caverns is to journey to Earth. You deserve the honor of speaking with him first."_

 "Selmac I..."   

"I second the motion," Asha spoke up, followed swiftly by most of the Council members.   

Several hours later Jacob stood atop a dune, watching Anise board the Tel'tac he had just returned in. He saw her lift off and disappear into the darkening sky. Just as abruptly as she had taken over, Selmac relinquished control. 

_"Selmac Damnit. I thought we talked about this. You can't just take me over like that!"_ he complained loudly. 

_'You would have ruined it.'_

_'Ruined what?'_

_'I could not permit you to maintain control. You would have...I believe the slang term is...lost it?'_   

Jake relented. He had been perilously close to dissolving into laughter. _'You're right but...'_

_'And you will not mourn her absence.'_

_'Well... no. She's a smug little...But to send her on a snipe hunt?'_ he questioned. 

_'Shall I remind you of  your feelings when Anise returned from testing the Antoniek armbands?'_

_'That little bitch nearly got Sam and the others KILLED,'_ Jake remembered angrily. 

_'And her solution to the Zatarc situation. I believe she toyed with destroying their brains to see if her invention worked.'_

_'Your point?'_ Jake asked tersely, not wanting to relive the memories of nearly losing his daughter twice to Anise's machinations. 

_'A little humility will do her good. Let her search the universe for a few years for this Oz. I guarantee you few will miss her,'_ Selmac said wryly.   

~~~~~   

Aboard the Tel'tac Freya set the controls to automatic allowing the ship to fly itself. 

"Where should we begin?" she asked her symbiote, more than a little overwhelmed at the task before them. Finding one sentient being in the incomprehensible vastness of the universe was a daunting task. 

_'We will merely travel to the location of the encounter and go from there. Someone like Oz will not be difficult to find,'_ Anise said, her 'voice' full of confidence.   

"Anise...it is like he just sprang into existence." 

_'Freya,'_ Anise said with the tone of a parent lecturing a recalcitrant child. ' _I have been battling the system lords since before your parents were born. We will find Oz. Subtlety is not a failing of a system lord. Emboldened by his challenge of Heru'ur it is merely a matter of time before he challenges another,'_ Anise stated.   

"I hope you are right," Freya responded skeptically. 

_'I am. In addition to our intelligence we have the blessing of Selmac.'_   

"Anise...I do not think 'follow the yellow brick road' is a blessing   

~fin~ 

  


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> Thanks to Lems and Sanna. Their suggestions made this a far  
> better piece. (Of what I don't know.) 

* * *

>   
> © July 1, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  



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